5 Ways to Become a Grounded Woman
Women secure and solidify all that is good—sustaining, nourishing, cherishing the best of what it means to be human.
A few weeks ago, a new ad popped up on my Instagram feed. Grounding sheets. I didn’t know what they were, but now, after a feed flooded with posts about them, I have a pretty good idea. They are meant to connect a sleeper with the earth’s natural energy frequency, hence “grounding.” Who wouldn’t want to connect with the ground, the earth, dirt, something solid, ordered, natural, and life-promoting?
The desire for what is ordered and solid isn’t limited to just sheets or glamping but splashes into our personal relationships. We need grounded men, but perhaps more urgently, we need grounded women.
It is hard to find a grounded woman today. I started looking at women with a careful eye over a decade ago while doing research. Tragically, women today have been robbed of the ideals that facilitate groundedness, specifically, humility. The word itself comes from the Latin word for earth, humus. Women have lost a sense of where and how we are meant to live because we have been told our best life is as an individual, focused on ourselves, instead of in a family, serving and raising others. The idea of grounding, however, of earth, humility, steadiness, are of vital importance.
Scripture tells us that in marriage, men are to leave father and mother and cleave to their wife. As theologian David Meconi has pointed out, “No one clings to that which is unsettled.” To recommend that a man anchor himself to the weak and flighty is foolish, at best. Meconi continues, “Movement towards the feminine suggests that she and her innate capacities are the center of culture toward which man must move. She secures and solidifies all that is good—sustaining, nourishing, cherishing the best of what it means to be human.” A wife is meant to be grounding, a steady character around whom a life can safely be built, not just to get by or for a collection of people to live together under the same roof, but for a family to truly flourish.
The Rise of the Karens
One of the results of the unhinged promises of feminism is the emergence of the Karens. These women are the emotionally volatile, aggressive women. Few are surprised anymore by their histrionics populating our news feeds.
This phenomenon has a uniquely female source. Known as “misplaced compassion” by Jordan Peterson, or “toxic empathy” by Allie Beth Stuckey, many women have become disoriented through a deep sense that their compassion is strong enough to fix whatever is wrong with the world. Out of a wellspring of emotion, those trusting in misplaced compassion believe that if their feelings will translate into results. Reality, however, requires more than just good intentions.
Misplaced compassion desperately wants to help others “out there” or far way, the unknown masses. Meanwhile, those in closest in proximity to the Karens are neglected. Think of the activist focused on people she will never meet while also choosing to abort her own child. The family is replaced by the un-family, the unfamiliar.
The problem is compounded by the victimhood status that feminism has granted to women - that any woman, as a minority, is a victim or oppressed, while any man, just by being male, is an oppressor. These clearly Marxist categories not only blur reality, but also provide a hiding place for women when their bad behavior is called out, with many oscillating between brazen actions and victimhood status justifying bad behavior.
So how, then, do we help women out of this cycle or to avoid it altogether? Here are five ways.
One: Focus on What Is Close
Misplaced compassion gets a foothold when women set their focus on helping people they don’t know or with whom they have no direct contact. The way to balance this out is to direct our attention on that which is closest and smallest around us. We all have what is called “a sphere of grace” which is the location in which we have been put to use our gifts. We can easily be tempted to reach beyond it, and there are times when we are called to this, but if we always keep in mind that the sphere of grace must be served first, the fruit will follow.
Two: Stick To Your Vows and Commitments
Recently, I ran into a woman I met briefly over twenty years ago. She and her husband had been through many ups and downs, considered divorce, and finally decided that the divorce culture into which both had been born had to end with them. At our recent encounter, I was struck by her presence, which felt like a peaceful balm in a chaotic world. She was warm and engaging, kind and thoughtful. She was not at all like the woman I recalled meeting decades prior. Adversity, responsibility, faith, and perseverance had changed her dramatically, deeply, beautifully. All of these things had matured her and allowed her to become a healthy woman. It was because of her and her husband’s commitment to their vows that the real change was able to take root.
The fruit of becoming reliable and accountable isn’t just limited to marital vows, but happens when we live out our commitments and obligations.
Three: Pray
This might sound trite, but prayer is vital. It seems like a paradox, but in order to be grounded, we must set our eyes on God. To see the earth properly, it must be seen from the view of heaven.
Grounding requires hearing the Father’s voice, listening in silence. Prayer isn’t meant to just be unidirectional, with us telling God what we need. It is simply the opening of space in our hearts to hear the voice of the Father. Through this listening, we can be lifted out of our current culture, obstacles, struggles, to see with fresh eyes, a lighter spirit, a clear path forward.
Four: Mary as a Model
In July, Charlie Kirk offered Mary, the Mother of Jesus, as an important role model for women. “Mary was clearly important to early Christians. There’s something there. In fact, one of the ways I believe we fix toxic feminism in America is, Mary is the solution.” Mary’s model can lead “more young ladies be pious, be reverent, be full of faith, slow to anger, slow to words at times,” Kirk continued. “She’s a phenomenal example, and I think a counter to so much of the toxicity of feminism in the modern era.”
Mary has long been known as the icon of humility, understanding deeply her littleness in contrast to the vastness of God. “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed” (cf. Luke 1:46-48). Mary's blessedness came from the mightiness of God, not from her own well of compassion. Through it, she was solid and steadfast, following Him closer than anyone.
Five: Mind Your Emotions
Women’s emotions have been prey for ideological movements for well over a century. As early as the 1800s, the socialists recognized that angry women were highly productive for their political cause. A look around today at the political landscape reveals that it isn’t just the socialists who are trying to stir up and embitter women. The result has been the unmooring of women from the deeper things, those things that tether us to what is most important. The resulting volatility strains relationships, suppresses creativity, and casts women about into all kinds of dead-end directions. Guarding our emotions, particularly who has access to swaying them, delivers steadiness, peace, focus, prayerfulness, clarity of vision, steady relationships, and a wellspring of creativity.